Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
