white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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