Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
