that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
