He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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