Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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