ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize