You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The air was thick with penises
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
