dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
