I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
