I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
