he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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