You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
