Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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