Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
