there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
