I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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