I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
