Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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