I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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