Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
