but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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