i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
