i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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