I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
