Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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