my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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