hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
