i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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