this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
