I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
