Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
