On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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