Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
