Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
