I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
