my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
