you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
