my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
