Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
