we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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