she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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