I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
