Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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