I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i now understand why vodka
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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