I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize