I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
stop calling my apartment porn island.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
