I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
