I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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