It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
