Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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