Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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