i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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