im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
