i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
