this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
