dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
