So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
