Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
