Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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