i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
last night I used snow as a chaser
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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