he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Shame - the story of my life.
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