And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
