they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize