Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
